It wasn't just a physical attraction but it was like I was meeting up with a very very good friend that I had met in some lifetime before. like someone I had known my whole life.
he felt the same, we both could be ourselves around each other, could talk for hours , trusted each other, made each other laugh and I fancied him like crazy.
I didn't find out til much later that he liked me too.
I was too shy to say anything and so was he.
one day I asked a friend to go and tell him that I really liked him and would he be my boyfriend lol,
my friend came back and told me that a had laughed and said that I was disgusting.
I cried for hours but didn't confront him, just stayed his friend, soon after I met my eldest daughters dad and got with him, he was cute, very confident, asked me out and so I said yes lol.
A much later told me that my friend didn't even tell him that I fancied him and wanted to be with him and so therefore he hadn't called me disgusting and that he did want to be with me too but was too shy.
said I broke his heart when I got with my daughters dad.
when he told me this my heart als broke because I never would have got with my daughters future dad if only I had known.
He soon got with someone else, stayed good friends, I let him live with me on and off when he needed somewhere and I even saved his life during one incident.
Although we stayed friends we haven't had much contact with each other since we were abut 25.
when we do, its always the same, no matter what we are going througin our lives we feel at home with each other, safe, can be our true selves and can talk about anything.
we go throw this circle of talking, that then turns into flirting, then he vanishes, but we are still friends on facebook, just know one on one chats.
a few weeks will pass and then we start the circle again.
we have been doing this for 20 years now.
I love him so much, ive told him so, he says it scares him, his last relationship wasn't a great one but he is still in love with her, but admits that he has feeings for me too.
I asked him to just tell me we would never be together so I could move on, but he wouldn't because of how he feels, he says he doesn't know what the future holds.
I know this looks like he is just leading me on but he really isn't like that, we are simply one with each other when we are together, he is like a male version of my self.
im pretty sure he is a empath too.
hes a man extremely sensitive like me, not afraid to cry, has great values and loves his family and would die for them.
but he suffers from depression and as I said he Is still in love with his ex, I accepted this and moved on, didn't think of him too much, but when my relationship ended it was him that helped me through it.
he seems to heal me with his words and warm me with his smile and its like every time we go through this circle I fall in love with him even more.
today I logged onto facebook and seen a post he had put up about still loving his ex.
I already knew this but it was like before I just pushed it aside as I was so caught up in seeing his as my twin flame who keeps running away.
althought I still think he is, today that post he put up stopped my heart beating for a few seconds, palpitations, made me go hot and feel sick.
it hurt like hell
I know only too well that you cant force love, but he admits himself that we have a very very special connection.
but I don't wanna feel that hurt I felt today again.
even though I want to be with him, I want to be able to move on and find someone else I can love.
but its like my spirit knows he is supposed to be the one for me.
its not as easy as to just cut him out of my life, as we have been friends for 20 years an d never want to lose that, we turn to only each other when we need advice or need to talk.
maybe the timing isn't right for us I don't know but I guess I just wanted advice if anyone has any.