sounds silly but its something that has been given me a lot of inner turmoil this week and I don't like the feeling, im hoping you guys can help me resolve my issue a little bit.
First of all I didn't grow up with my dad, my mum brought me up to believe my step dad was my dad and then I found out he wasn't when I was 15 when I found my real dad.
After years of abuse at home I decided to run away and my dad was there to pick up the pieces , I love him with all my heart , he truly is my hero.
Now about my dad, I truly believe he is a adult with undiagnosed autism and ocd, my two children both have autism and my dad has all the same traits as them, its quite shocking how similar their behaviours are.
My dad is the most loving person, kind and caring but he also is prone to having meltdowns and anger outburst when things do not go his way, he does not handle change , especially any change in his routine very well at all. He also becomes addictive with his routines.
I get on with my dad as long as we don't have disgreements, we are both quite stubborn, but he is very good at expressing his anger whilst I am not, im quiet where he is very loud, I do not cope at all with confrontations or angry people, I curl up within myself where as my dad is like a explosion, whatever he is feeling comes out.
Its something he says himself he is unable to control, I did write to his doctor to try and get him assessed for autism but they are reluctant t refer him for this.
in 2015, my sister who breeds dogs showed me one of her dogs puppies and I fell in love instantly.
I didn't want a dog, had no plans to get a dog and was quite content with the three cats I already had, but something about this little dog just melted my heart and she reminded me of the german sheppard I had as a child so I decided to keep her.
My dad at this point was telling me not to get her, that dogs make your house smell and that he wouldn't come to my house and that he wanted no part of this dog.
I got her anyway, meet my dog, poppy xx
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Despite what my dad had said he quickly bonded and fell in love with poppy too.
often walking her when ii was unable to because of my fibromyalgia and other health reasons and watching her once a year when I go on holiday.
Now ive never really had a problem with this until recently, I had even given him a key so tht he could come and be with her when I am out or if he wanted to walk her when I was still in bed in the mornings but a few days ago a issue arrised which really annoyed me.
basically I seen on the news that a dog had died after walking when the temperature was 21. and the rspca was saying that the safest time to walk dogs would be before 9am and after 9pm when the weather is really hot.
well my dad came up to walk the dog, he never asks, just turns up, I said to him I don't think you should walk her as its too hot.
he said its fine
and I explained about the dog that died and he just said they obviously don't know how to look after dogs, that dogs in Jamaica are fine in the heat, so then I explained that they are fine with the heat because they are born into that environment, and also told him about the advice the rspca had given.
and his just shouted that he wouldn't walk her then, I tried to tell him he could walk her at 9pm, he stormed off and sat in my garden for half hour then cme back inand said bye, I said you can walk her in hour, he said you said I couldn't walk poppy and im upset about it, burst into tears and stormed out whilst I was still talking.
I didn't contact him, just left him to it, I didn't and still don't think I had anything to apologise for, after all poppy is my dog and I was just trying to keep her safe.
Anway he came up the next morning , apologised, just said he couldn't cope with the change of his routine and that he didn't feel badly towards me, that he respected she was my dog but said I didn't understand how much he loves her, that they have a special bond and that hes sorry that I didn't have tht same bond with my dog.
now I do know how much he loves poppy, poppy also loves him too, when he is around my dad is master and they love spending time together and I would never want to change that, but his explanation of why he had stormed off has triggered something in me and im thinking, hes right, poppy is my dog.
I shouldn't have to be arguing about when she can be walked etc, he should respect my decisions. so ive decided that my dad needs to change his routine to fit around me and what I want for my dog.
I know poppy loves me too, but ive never experienced that special bond when it comes to walking her, poppy knows when granddad comes then she is to be walked, so my plan now is to tell my dad he can walk her in the morning or afternoon, but early evening walk is now going to be my time.
he is welcome to come up and play with her in the evening still but I want poppy to learn and get to know that mummy is in charge of the nighttime walk, I want it to become part of her routine.
that way its a compromise, my dad gets to walk her, and I get to walk her, but I know my dad isn't going to see it like that, I mean he sometimes walks her three times in one day, if he happens to come up whilst im out with her he rings me to find out where I am then comes to meet us, and then its like I don't exist to poppy.
Poppy does listen to me but I need to build up on confidence with letting her off the lead in the park, because she is feisty and tries to go after other dogs and she doesn't like people she doesn't know, and I feel the only way I can do this is if I build up a routine of walking her alone.
My dad will see this as me trying to take poppy away from him which isn't the case, if I wanted to do that id take back my key or change the locks and tell him he cant walk her at all, but that's not what I want.
I feel like to tell my dad that he should go get his own dog then he can have total control of it and where its walked etc, I mean im not even allowed to put doggie clothes on her or put her hair in a ponytail or get her apink lead cus he says he aint walking her like that, he takes it all off and never puts it back on.
Ive told him before I don't want him to shave her as I like it when her hair growes long, but sometimes he just goes ahead and shaves her anyway.
I guess I don't feel like my dog is mines, and I want her to feel like she is mines, I feel my dad shouldn't have poppy as part of his routine three times a day, he should be asking me if he can walk her and doing it around when I want to walk her.
Am I over reacting? I guess I just need advice on how I can have this conversation with him without him having another meltdown.
I mean I planned to walk her tonight with my friend, and I told him this, but when he left after walking her this morning, he said ill come walk you later poppy, so I need to be more direct, but I cant deal with and don't want the confrontation, the tears and the anger but at the same time I don't want to sit back and watch my own dog being raised by somebody who doesn't even live in this house hold.
please help x